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Topic: Funny Stuff  (Read 101406 times)
tdawnaz
shug's and coknuck's momma t...and u can call me momma t too... :-)
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« Reply #1635 on: October 31, 2007, 10:23:00 PM »

 evil6 smitten
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« Reply #1636 on: November 01, 2007, 07:12:51 AM »

     :haha:      :haha:     This may be a repeat      :haha:      :haha:

A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

"That's nice", she thinks, "but I want more."

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.


PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited

 2funny smitten      2funny smitten      2funny smitten      2funny smitten      2funny smitten

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« Reply #1637 on: November 01, 2007, 03:45:01 PM »

You betcha, and they make jokes that we are stupid.  evil6

We ain't no dummies.  uglystupid2
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« Reply #1638 on: November 01, 2007, 03:53:05 PM »

http://www.break.com/index/next_time_you_think_your_job_sucks.html

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« Reply #1639 on: November 01, 2007, 04:27:49 PM »

Thats a good one Reso, totally unexpected though.  Shocked
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tdawnaz
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« Reply #1640 on: November 01, 2007, 07:59:53 PM »

Why couples don't have sex.... omg soo funny

Dear Wife,
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.

The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:

6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move


KEEP READING.......


=====================================================


TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:

I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:


5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't come with energy
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the motion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching TV

Of the times we did get together:

The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.

I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"

The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.
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worship me like the Goddess I am...  Smile

You must not change one thing, one pebble, one grain of sand, until you know what good or evil will follow on that act. The World is in balance, in equilibrium.  It is most Perilous. It must follow Knowledge and serve need. To Light a Candle is to cast a Shadow.
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« Reply #1641 on: November 01, 2007, 08:09:20 PM »

 shocked shocked shocked so that explains it....
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tdawnaz
shug's and coknuck's momma t...and u can call me momma t too... :-)
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« Reply #1642 on: November 01, 2007, 08:35:21 PM »


ewwww...now what's the purpose of that??...is there some real need for that stuff...and so they actually had tried penile massage...who's brilliant idea was that??...S#!t looked like that thing could whip around and knock a hole in ur skull...and i wanna know how long it really took...looked to me like he was takin his sweet time about it...savoring the moment...a coke can full...huh???
ewwwww gag tongue2
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worship me like the Goddess I am...  Smile

You must not change one thing, one pebble, one grain of sand, until you know what good or evil will follow on that act. The World is in balance, in equilibrium.  It is most Perilous. It must follow Knowledge and serve need. To Light a Candle is to cast a Shadow.
A Greener Image Interior Plant Care of Arizona
 
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« Reply #1643 on: November 01, 2007, 08:41:27 PM »

hahaha perfect response, tdawnaz....i know that if some guy came around me with a rubber glove he could back away or else.....unless of course im 40 yrs. old and am in the doctors office for "The Exam"   2funny 2funny 2funny sry for that joke...i was just listening to ray ramano...he alked about it...
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tdawnaz
shug's and coknuck's momma t...and u can call me momma t too... :-)
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« Reply #1644 on: November 01, 2007, 08:46:24 PM »

oh hahaha...true story...from today...

so i'm on the phone with my insurance company about a prescription claim...per usual i'm put on hold...so i'm sitting there enjoying the music...then they start talking about diabetes...and vision...and the effect of diabetes on your vision...and that if you have diabetes it's very important to have a yearly eye exam that includes a rectal dilation exam...i about died...so i told the claims adjuster when she came back and she was like "omg no...r u joking??...wow...i need to tell somebody!!!" so we talk about me being over charged yadda yadda...and of course i get put on hold again...now in the back of my head i was really thinking that i probably misheard, but it just sounded so funny...but no...here come the same yap yap...i heard right...sooooo...anyone out there got diabetes...???

don't forget your yearly eye exam including a dilated rectal exam...can i watch your optometrist's face when u ask for it??
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worship me like the Goddess I am...  Smile

You must not change one thing, one pebble, one grain of sand, until you know what good or evil will follow on that act. The World is in balance, in equilibrium.  It is most Perilous. It must follow Knowledge and serve need. To Light a Candle is to cast a Shadow.
A Greener Image Interior Plant Care of Arizona
 
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« Reply #1645 on: November 01, 2007, 08:57:13 PM »

haha tdawnaz awesome..

yes my grandpa has diabetes. he is the best grandpa anyone can have though.  smiley i feel priviledged
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« Reply #1646 on: November 01, 2007, 09:53:06 PM »

One thing about Reso's vid though. What if the elephant decides to crap about then? What a smelly pile of mess.  azn

And I believe I'll pass on the extra exam myself momma T.  Confused
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